Maybe stop trying to use words. Use colors or textures, make a little posterboard and work through what looks or feels right in her head. Meaning, if dark blue means she’s scared, or if green means she’s frustrated that’s okay. Don’t just go with red= angry if that didn’t feels right for her. Let her use as many colors or textures as she needs to get her point across.
It’s also really important to include what she wants from you on this board. Like, just shut up for an hour, or hold her, or go to the store and get her favorite soda. This is just to help her build trust that she can have some control in an uncomfortable situation. Right now she might not really have that, and may be why she’s landed on avoidance
Use it while physically together, but also take a picture so a screenshot can be shared with little edits over what she’s associated with her feelings.
When I’m overstimulated by emotions I have an internal meltdown that can graduate to external if I’m being pushed. I absolutely can’t think of words in that state, and often I’m afraid to even express myself in those moments.
You just reminded me that my therapist sent me a mood wheel, too. I ended up ignoring it because it was color coded lol.
But in that same packet she sent me some grounding techniques to try, and that’s actually been really useful for me to pull out of a meltdown. Box breathing is my favorite one, but seriously there’s so many to try