Please discuss this with your doctor.

They can’t hit you with the ol’ Bobby Tables if you delete the database yourself first. A+, no notes.

Democracy manifest.

Just borrowing a line from a favorite Book.

…convicted murderers, rapists, and pedos…

Don’t forget to include people who talk in the theater.

Eggs have just been so expensive lately, had to cut back.

It’s either that or walk home syndrome. 3 of one, quarter dozen of the other.

Litigious parents, take note: courts typically recognize that children are derivative works. Their appearances tend to fall under fair use, please don’t waste our time and yours trying to sue them for infringement.

So instead of working on fixing an existing problem for anybody, they’re solving a new problem for nobody. Let them eat cupcakes, I guess.

These predatory industry contracts are out of control.

The correct prescription lenses.

absolute shit thing

Well, yeah, I think that’s been established.

Don’t ask about their right arm workout routine either.

Short for autopenetration, it’s what happens when you tell a guy to go fuck himself and he takes it literally.

That’s why it’d be startling to find a startling.

I propose “startling” if the mutation is enough to qualify as a new species. Sort of like the opposite of an endling and you get a fitting double meaning as a fun bonus.

Lawyer.

The smart people have done their nerdy number-wizardry and said it’s not going to work but if your huge slingshot was tall enough to reach into space, you could just put the spaceship on top and call it a day. How to get it there is an exercise for the reader.

Nothing.

Given the luxury of that choice, I’d be right there with you but sometimes we just have to fight the war that is waged upon us even if that means stepping down off our high horses to do so. “At least I was polite” won’t do me much good when Jim-Bob and Jethro (between moonshine-fueled arguments over whose turn it is to get their sister pregnant again) blow my head off for being a filthy Yankee.