My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
Tell me one thing.
Is that much better to find out that your husband is leaving you for other person by his word before it happens rather than a time after it happened by yourself?
For my understanding most of the pain comes not for the lie, but for the fact that the people you love no longer loves you back and it’s leaving you. And you cannot force love or cohabitation to anyone.
I’m assuming his mom found out after the fact, nothing the OP said when I commented pointed to the opposite.
Also, regardless if he told her or if she found out by herself, there is no question that the cheater is the asshole in this situation. Admitting to an affair doesnt suddenly make it okay or take away the pain.
What I mean is that the level of pain would be similar if he would have not cheated and would just have left her, and after leaving her he would have started another relationship. No cheating at all involved.
Sorry I misunderstood. In that case, cheating definitely hurts more I would say. It’s more of a betrayal then a break up imo. Its a bit like the difference between having 10$ stolen and losing 10$, or the difference between scratching your car on a branch and having someone key it. Depending on the person’s social circle, it’s a lot more humiliating being cheated on.
There’s also stds or just the fact that your significant other might have slept with someone else a few hours ago and then climbs in bed and has relations with you right after. And we are talking about 20 years of marriage in this case, I can’t imagine how disrespectful it must feel.
Both scenarios suck thought.